Sort it out

January 24, 2018 Leave a comment

This week has been mentally tough. I feel like I’m fighting this week with everything I’ve got. I’m still on track, not eaten anything off plan but it’s been damned hard work mentally.  I don’t even want to cheat and stray from plan. I just can’t stop thinking about about food. I mean, constantly. I’ve been very hungry but I actually think thats maybe down to the medication I was given by my doctor. It was only pain killers but a strong dose and I think my brain has mistaken the my stomachs reaction to the meds for hunger, which wasn’t satisfied with the food I ate and still felt hungry, therefore my brain kicked in and told me to eat more. I knew I’d eaten enough so I had to tell my brain to be quiet but it kept telling me that I need to eat everything. Ive made it through the week. Weigh in is tomorrow morning (Thursday) and I hope I have a good loss to boost my positive thoughts again.




Non scale victories

January 20, 2018 Leave a comment

2lbs off this week meant that I was awarded my six and a half stone weight loss award. That’s 92 lbs since the end of April last year. That’s actually… a LOT. This means I’m about half way to where I want to be. I’ve not set an official target either in my head nor at my slimming group. I really didn’t think I’d get this far to be honest, but I am still full steam ahead. I really feel that there’s no stopping me this time. I am going to get to where I’m comfortable, and then I’m going to stay there. For the first time in my life, I have control!

It’s not always about the numbers on the scales, although they seem to be the thing that keeps us going from week to week. Sometimes the non scale victories (NSV) are more rewarding than the numbers on the scales. For instance… clothes. It took me at least 3 stone to even be able to tell I’d lost some weight and even then, it was my face that lost weight first. So I still wore the same baggy, comfy, elasticated clothes I wore 3 stone ago. Having lost another 3 and a half stone since then I have come to the realisation that I can no longer wear my comfort clothes. They were hanging off me. They were massive. So I’ve had to get a few clothes to see me through for a while until I need to get more again. I didn’t want to spend loads and I’ve never really been a clothes person. Cheap and cheerful will do.. although that may well be changing once I have a body worth dressing nicely. But yesterday, my non scale victory is that I went into a  shop and bought clothes from what I’d call, a normal person’s shop. Yay!! I’ve shopped online for years and years from the plus size catalogues, often choosing what fit me rather than what I’d like to wear. I’ve forgotten how to dress nicely, choosing what I’d like to wear. I think it’s going to take some time to be able to wear my choice of clothes because I’ve forgotten what my taste is. Big, baggy and volumnous to cover a multitude of sins. I’m still in loose fitting clothes obviously, but at least they’re a smaller size and I’m getting some kind of shape now, other than round and I’m not forced to shop in outsize/plus size shops. I may even become fashionable lol.

Other non scale victories are, I can put socks on easily without feeling like I’ve run a marathon. I can zip knee length boots up and still have room in them rather than forcing my calves into them and prising the zip up making my fingers hurt a lot.

And yesterday I had to go for my first ever mammogram, which obviously involved standing topless in front of a nurse. 6 and a half stone ago I would have died of embarrassment, but I managed ok knowing that I was already half way through tackling my weight and doing something about it. we even laughed and joked about how I had no idea how she would have dealt with my boobs had I not lost any weight. I wasn’t stood behind the door when they handed boobs out!! lol

So, always look for the positive in your weight loss, even if the numbers aren’t telling you what you think they should. There are always things to smile about.


Ann-Marie xx


January 15, 2018 1 comment

My mood is a bit lower than normal this morning. Not grumpy, just a bit .. meh I guess.

It’s been a busy weekend (I won’t bore you with details as it wasn’t exiting stuff) although there was a bonus of my daughter and grandson coming to stay.

Food wise, I’ve been fine. I always am. I still have a long way to go, so my mindset is in for the long haul and I don’t cheat. In the past when I’ve tried to lose weight, once I started cheating I’d go off the rails and start eating everything in sight. I am no longer that person psychologically. My brain is different these days. I’m not saying I’m an angel who will never eat anything off plan ever again.. However, I am addicted to food and it would be so easy to go back to binge eating to satisfy that little voice in my head that used to tell me to eat all the bad things because I’m worth it. I’m not worth it.. I’m worth more than that. I’m worth having a healthy lifestyle. I’m worth being able to walk around all day and do the things I choose to do rather than being sat in a chair, too fat to move. Unable to walk more than 50 yards because my back felt like it was breaking. My son and I went to Chester for the day with our cameras taking photographs. This is a first for us. We both had a great day and it felt like going home to me to be able to walk around taking photographs again. I’d forgotten I love photography, but so so happy to have found it again.

Food addiction is like any other kind of addiction whether it be drugs or alcohol. They slowly destroy you. Your brain tells you you need the things to make you feel better/help you cope/love yourself/be a nicer person to be around, when in reality these things are destroying you. I didn’t care that the food addiction was destroying me, but I do now. Six stone lighter and I’m a different person already. Imagine how I’ll be in another six stones time. My confidence is really so much better. I don’t feel downtrodden and out of control of my life now. It’s great to be able to control what I eat and when I eat rather than it controlling me. It no longer shouts my name from the cupboards or fridge all day. I look forward to my healthy meals. I enjoy the taste of my food. And I enjoy that I can lose weight eating this way. (I’ve just read that back to myself and can’t believe it’s me who actually feels this way lol). I have taken control of parts of my life that were leading me to turn to food for comfort, for what I thought gave me emotional stability. I think It was like wrapping myself in a bit blanket, except the blanket was fat. I wish I’d dealt with it years ago. Having a very controlling, manipulative, narcissistic person in your life doesn’t allow you to have freedom of thought, or if you do, you are told immediately that you are wrong. Years and years of this is soul destroying, so you turn to self comfort.. in the form of calories. When I look back, how on earth could I go and buy the huge family size bars of galaxy chocolate and just eat it to myself then hide the wrapper so no one knew I’d eaten it? No one saw me buy it, no one saw me eat it, so therefore it didn’t exist. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still love to dive into a galaxy bar now, but I know it’s not a good way to live your life, but I’m in control of that now. I could have some galaxy chocolate and thoroughly enjoy it, but I would be happy with a small bar. That said, the feeling I get from the scales saying I’ve lost weight is a far better feeling than I’d get from any bar of chocolate. That’s what keeps me on plan. Nothing tastes better than the feeling you get when you see you’ve lost more pounds.

And on that note, TTFN (ta ta for now)

Ann-Marie xxx

January 2018

January 11, 2018 4 comments

So we’re well into the new year now and things are settling back into some sort of normality. Son is back at school and hubby back at work. Them being home hasn’t made any difference to my eating plan or my weight loss to be honest. I’m still mentally focussed and can’t wait to get even more weight off. The thought of going out without a coat in 3 months time and my body being much slimmer is the next feeling I’m looking forward to having.

I have been asked on various occasions, how I keep losing week after week, and how I keep my focus. It’s really quite simple. You have to want it, and I mean, REALLY want it. I don’t have a cheat meal on weigh day, or any day for that matter. I come home from group at lunch time and just carry on on plan. I don’t go over my syns, and basically, I stick to the plan. It’s the only way to lose weight. I still have too far to go yet to sabotage any weight loss. I enjoy the feeling of getting on the scales and seeing the numbers go down so much more than having a sneaky biscuit (insert any other uncounted treat here). I’m only kidding myself if I start cheating. How could I cheat during the week and then deal with the feelings of being sad at not losing weight? It’s defeating the object and I cannot sabotage myself like that. I knew when I joined it was going to be a long term (life long?) thing. It’s not something I can stop doing when I get to target. I can be a little more relaxed but I’m going to have to take control of what I eat for the rest of my life. I cannot spend the rest of my life worrying about being able to sit in a certain chair incase there’s not enough room to get in. There are things I want to do that I’ve not been able to because I’m too fat. I can’t go on being like that anymore… so why jeapordise that by cheating on the plan. The time will come for treats at the end of the road when I’m at target when I’m maintaining a healthy weight and psychologically dealt with food control issues. It’s getting easier to deal with in my head. Food no longer controls me.. I’m in control of it. I enjoy healthy meals. I look forward to them.. which is completely alien to me..

Non scale victories so far in January. I went to the cinema and my butt didn’t fill the seat.. I didn’t spill over into my hubby’s seat and I had some elbow room. Yay!! I also didn’t have any popcorn etc. I’ve also gone through my clothes as they were all too big. I’ve had to buy some new t-shirts and tops. I’ve gone from a size 34/36 down to my current size 24. Now I know a 24 is still a very large size, but it’s nice to have clothes that fit me instead of clothes that hide me (tents). I’m starting to feel more like a reasonable sized person rather than the biggest person in the world. And that’s nice… it’s very nice.

onwards and downwards… and keep smiling

Ann-Marie xx

April to December

December 29, 2017 Leave a comment

I joined Slimming World (again) on the 27th of April 2017. If you want to know why and what made me join (again) have a read of the about me story – Click this link to read it if you like.

It’s now the 29th of December 2017 and my 8 month SW anniversary has just passed. I have just received my 6 stone weight loss award! I can’t even begin to tell you how chuffed I am. I need to lose another 6 stone at least, probably nearer 8, but I can’t even begin to think that far ahead right now. My next goal is to lose another 2 and a half stone which will take me back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 12 years ago. I’d love to be able to do that before my 1 year SW anniversary in April.

So, 6 stone. Yeah, that’s a lot! I still feel very fat but I’m probably classed as a ‘big girl’ rather than a very very fat person. (That’s what my head thinks anyway).

So here’s a visual for you. The first two are at my biggest. The third pic is 3 stone loss and the 4th pic is 6 stone loss.


It’s shocking really isn’t it? The thing that I’m not liking is the saggy underarms… bat wings as my hubby calls them, because they’re too big to be called bingo wings lol. But I’ve just bought some 1kg weights so I can do some toning up. I’ve also got a step due to be delivered and I’ve found some ‘plus size’ beginner exercise tutorials that I’m sure I can manage, even having fibromyalgia. 10 minutes exercise, 3 times a week. I also walk my little dog every day so the change in my activity is going to be quite a lot when you compare it with sitting on my butt like a beached whale that can crochet lol

Anyway, that’s enough for today.

Keep smiling

Ann-Marie xx