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Confession Time

Forgive me dieters, for I have sinned!

Since the Wednesday night before last when Isabelle smashed her mouth up and lost her front teeth (see my non-diet blog) and then my Mother in Law coming to visit mid (her) personal crisis, the diet went out of the window! It wasn’t intentional, it just sort of happened and my brain shut down. I was also due on, so that didn’t make life any easier.

For some reason my brain just went into ‘ignore anything going into your mouth’ mode. It completely shut down all reasoning and the ability to say NO to myself. I made things much worse by baking. I don’t do this often, but I just seemed to be in a baking mood. It was also a case of trying to distract Isabelle from her sore mouth. Problem was I made the things I like. Once they’d gone, I started eating the things that I’m not that fond of. They were just there, so I ate them. Normally my resolve is much stronger than that.. but as I said, it had gone AWOL.

It’s worse than that too. I didn’t go to class weigh in on the Tuesday. My MIL was going home and I had to get her to the airport, so I skipped class. Wrong thing to do! My brain didn’t get it’s weekly dose of positivity and it was still shut down on Wednesday. On Wednesday night I went to the shop and bought biscuits.. Fox’s crunch cream biscuits to be honest. I ate all but three of them in the worst case scenario… at the computer, not even paying attention to what I was eating, so I didn’t even enjoy them.

My hubby ended up upsetting me, He didn’t mean to upset me (as I sat there in floods of tears) but he was ‘looking out for me’ as he put it. He asked if I really needed to eat a full of biscuits. My defense was… I HAVEN’T eaten the full packet, there’s some left!! But he didn’t stop there. He went on and on about these biscuits I’d eaten. I ended up yelling… I WANTED THEM, I NEEDED THEM, SO I ATE THEM! I also said, for the first time in 6 months I’ve gone off plan. I’ve lost 4 stone and the first time I slip, you are jumping my case about it!!  He said there was no need to yell, he was looking out for me, and he walked off. It was my guilty conscience that was making me so angry at him and lose all rationality of temper. I was defending myself for being a pig. It it had just been the packet of biscuits it wouldn’t have been so bad, but it had been cakes, biscuits and all kinds of other things all week. I think that’s why I got so cross. I wasn’t angry with him, I was angry with myself.

So, I got back on track on Thursday. A little belated, but I’m  now back on track.

It might sound a bit silly, but I think I really needed that week of eating crap. As I said before, I’ve been on the plan for 6 months and have followed it faithfully. A week of pigging out has sorted me out, made me feel quite ill to be honest, so I’m ready to knuckle down and get back to it and get the rest of the weight off. I want to be in a size 14 for Christmas and for Mark’s 40th birthday. Much better than a size 28 that I was in last Christmas!

So, onwards and downwards… positive head is back on and dusted down. Hopefully when I get to class this week I’ll have lost a little bit according to my record card. That will mean that I will at leas have lost the 4 pounds I put on pigging out.

  1. CG
    April 17, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re human, not a machine. You’re in this for the long haul…you’ll be fine!!

  2. alice
    April 19, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    LOl…you should off seen me last week – I bought a bag of belgium chocs (mishaped).. they werent that mishaped – they fitted in my gob – the whole packet ,I hid them !!
    I say its ok to go ‘OFF RAIL” once in a while.
    YOuve done soooo well , dont let this cock up put you off
    well done xx

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